636 Quotes by Craig ferguson

By the power of Steven Wright’s Beard!

When I stopped drinking, it was only because I thought if I don’t stop, I’m going to die.

New iPod. It looks like an iPhone but it can’t make phone calls. So its really just an iPhone.

I have no ambitions beyond being comfortable in what I do for a living – and earning a living.

Andy Warhol said that in the future everyone will be famous for 15 minutes. Facebook is exactly like that except you’re not really famous and your 15 minutes goes on forever.

I think holidays create so much pressure because people feel they should be having a good time. But you shouldn’t.

I don’t get emails from my corporate overlords.

I’m a terrible interviewer. I’m not a journalist – although I have a Peabody Award – and I’m not really a late-night host. What I am is honest.

I think I’m just someone that just tries to get by. I’m kind of – if it was during the Second World War, I’d be a black marketeer, I think.