636 Quotes by Craig ferguson

Like many people who come to New York to live and then have to leave before they really want to, I spent the next three or four years with the vague feeling that there was a great party going on somewhere and I was not at it.

Insiders say Obama’s pretty comfortable around actors. He should be. He has been ‘acting’ like he was born in Hawaii for a long time.

One of the interesting quirks of the aging process is that events that seem to have little or no impact at the time resonate with a thunderous importance later on, like an expertly constructed detective novel.

Bush’s memoir is 512 pages. To be fair, 200 of those pages are just games and puzzles.

It must be depressing to have your sole purpose in the universe be pointing out other people’s mistakes. Am I right, Internet trolls, gossip columnists, and clergymen?

It’s a book. It’s mine. And it’s done.

If Scotland and America go to war, I’m afraid I’ve already sworn in.

You know, I think there’s a good rule of thumb here: Don’t take nutritional advice from other species.

I sometimes wonder if fear isn’t just God’s way of saying, ‘Pay attention, this could be fun.