350 Quotes by Dane Cook

My advice is: to try and stay really true to the things that make YOU laugh, as opposed to trying to create a character that you think is funny. Some comedians get into bad habits when they are trying to create something that is not them, and they are trying to write a voice that isn't their true voice.

I say God bless you, I don't say bless you ... I am not the Lord, I can't do that.

I was very good at kickball ... I was wonderful at ah doing that kick and your leg goes up and your shoe went on top of the school

The key to attempting to create art in some aspect is also knowing that it will turn some people off.

Anger has a way of seeping into every other emotion and planting itself in there.

When you don't have love, it is like there's a party going on and everybody was invited except for you ... and you just happen to walk by that house in the rain

I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such.

Some people have constipation of the brain but their mouth has the runs.

I had one job that was kind of cop-like. One summer I did security at a miniature golf course. Just standing out in the sun all day, Hey, hey, excuse me sir. Get your putter out of the whale's ass. Come on, this is a place of miniature business. This is not a playground even though it looks like a playground.