350 Quotes by Dane Cook

I'm curious by individuals that embrace half a story so they can justify how incomplete they feel about their own self worth.

Sometimes, when a person gains a lot of success at a very young age, they become targets, and it's really easy to follow the crowds and not make independent decisions based on truly how you feel.

Even when I go to a salad bar, I need to feel like I'm one of the first people there.

Someone needs to make a zombie movie where when you get bit it turns you into a singing and dancing extraordinaire.

Ex-girlfriends will find themselves in my new routine. Sometimes they like that, and sometimes they definitely do not. But comedians should come with a giant warning or disclaimer: IF YOU DATE ME, IT WILL BE IN MY ACT.

You know your girls up to no good when her and her friends make a pact to post nothing on Instagram.

We all hope for breakthrough rebirth moments.

I'm really great in other peoples relationships.

I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.