350 Quotes by Dane Cook

You have to realize, when you're a comedian, that you have to have a thick skin. And trust me, being onstage in front of people is already difficult enough. Somebody's personal attack in an email is not as hard as getting onstage.

If you think your demeanor is mellow or not particularly charismatic, the material can life you higher. So write everyday, and get onstage or in a coffee shop where they are doing open mice, anywhere you can perform even if that means starting your own open mic night - and be your own self.

It's not for any purpose such as religion, health, or things like that, I just never felt I had the need or want to drink or do drugs.

Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face.

How do you fall into a lion’s den, that is my first question there, you think you would be extra carefull around a den of lions.

I won’t take no for a question.

Video games don’t make people go nuts. I played Super Mario forever. Not once hopping on a turtle or smash my head through a brick ceiling.

I’m not giving up on life. I’m giving up on today.

Vince Vaughn is a genuine person, awesome guy. He’ll come to a lot of my shows. It’s not that often that you can meet someone as cool as Vince.