350 Quotes by Dane Cook

I’m always going to be someone that people enjoy watching.

I’m a deep thinker when it comes to shallow no brainers.

If haters or whatever want to find you – I mean, some of them are so tenacious. You want to hire them to work for you. Theyre very, very savvy in terms of how they find you and get to you.

I’m curious by individuals that embrace half a story so they can justify how incomplete they feel about their own self worth.

When people refer to ‘Back in the Day,’ it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.

I’m willing to write a check for $10,000 if someone can bring to me what I fell is ruining thousands of lives, destroying lives everyday. And I know that you know it’s a little thing called Chupacabra.

I do think I am funny, or I wouldn’t be where I am today. I do think there is always room for improvement and learning.

I’ve always read books and loved human behavior since I was ten or twelve years old. Maybe even that’s why I wanted to do comedy.

A lot of comics are kind of vampire types; we do our shows and disappear into the night. My philosophy was, this is like politics, and if I want people to know about my campaign, I’m going to go out there and shake hands.