350 Quotes by Dane Cook

It’s hard to be happy for someone when you know deep down they’d kill you if they had the chance.

You can try to steal the thunder all you want, it just reminds people I’m the lightning. You rumble in the distance. I light up the sky.

Comedy is immediate. Comedy is a solo mission. You’re all by yourself, up there. And when you’re in a film, on a set, it’s a collaborative effort. It’s about me being a tool for somebody else to create a story and a character from nothing, from their imagination.

Pain only hurts when you are looking for a reason to quit. You don’t feel a thing when you know you can still win.

You’ve gotta share what’s going on in your mind.

I’m sure that people who have been tweeting funny things have ended up on writing staffs of a late night show.

Sometimes, like we all do, I look at myself in the mirror. Sometimes I cry. Like a really hard cry like you just watch yourself cry but then you’re done and you’re just glowing and you’re staring at yourself.

You can’t teach an old hater new truths.

I don’t write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.