23 Quotes by Dani Alexander

"Your daughter is gay? Where are all these gay people coming from? Gay friends. Gay daughters of friends. Gay sisters-in-law. Gay suspects. I ask one guy for a kiss and suddenly I’m living in Ancient Greece."

"At some point all of this is going to catch up with me,” I said.“What is?”“Gay, boyfriend, job loss, career in the toilet, gay, criminals in my house, criminals in my bed.”“You said the gay thing twice.”“It deserves double billing."

"Do you know why I like dogs and not cats? Because whenyou’re talking to dogs, they don’t walk away in order to rimthemselves.~Austin to Cai's cat Begone Cai's, also known as the "fucking hairball with the crazies."

"What the fuck are you doing with your life?”“Dating hookers, learning the gay, housing criminals, pissing off my fellow cops, and taking in what everyone says is a cat, but which I’m definitely sure is not a cat. I’m undecided on its actual species. I think it’s a cross between a rat and some kind of alien life—"

"I would just like to throw out there that we can all stop talking about putting things up my ass. No fly zone. Do not enter. No parking."

"Fucking cracker,” Alvarado hissed as he was shoved into the patrol car.“Aw, that’s discrimination, right there.” I feigned hurt. “See, I see you as scumbag first, Alvarado. Or dick-cheese. Scumsucking pedophile. Asshole. The fact that you’re Hispanic doesn’t even factor into it."

"I was going to be mature about this. And ignore him."

"Are you in love with me?" I asked, grinding my nails into my palms."Yes," he said simply. "But not yet"

"When Peter said he wasromantic, it was in the way that I was romantic. A blow job andan “I love you” before rolling over and falling asleep."

"Then I guess the rest of my life will be resigned to doggy style sex." The words were out of my mouth before I could think about them. "I mean however long...when we're...that wasn't a fucking proposal.""Okay.""Don't smile that. Smugness doesn't become you.""Okay.""Scoot the fuck over. You're hogging the bed."Austin and Peter. :')"