821 Quotes by Daniel Handler

You should never stick something that you are allergic to into your mouth, especially if that thing is cats.

Count Olaf certainly does sound evil. Imagine forcing children to stand near a stove!

The hallway was lined with numbered doors, odd numbers on one side and even numbers on the other, and large ornamental vases, too large to hold flowers and too small to hold spies.

I'm not a stranger," I said, and pointed to his book. "I'm someone who reads the same authors you do.

It was darker than a pitch-black panther, covered in tar, eating black licorice at the very bottom of the deepest part of the Black Sea.

The miracle is the adverbs, the way things are done.

I don't know why wicked places generally look wicked. You'd think they'd look nice, to fool people, but they hardly ever do.

Beef. Yes. Roast beef. It's the Swedish term for beef that is roasted.

The right hand doesn’t know what the left is doing” is a phrase that refers to times when people ought to know, but don’t know, about something that is happening very close to them. For instance, you ought to know about the man who watches you when you sleep.