821 Quotes by Daniel Handler

There's information about everything from poetry to pills, from picture frames to pyramids, and from pudding to psychology--and that's just in the P aisle, which we're walking down right now.

In times of extreme stress, one can often find energy hidden in even the most exhausted areas of the body.

Whenever you are examining someone else's belongings, you are bound to learn many interesting things about the person of which you were not previously aware.

For most people, the two primary relationships they have are with their families or romantic ones. And everyone knows those two relationships have a lot to do with one another.

That night was a dark day. Of course, all nights are dark days, because night is simply a badly lit version of day, ...

It is true, of course, that there is no way of knowing for sure whether or not you can trust someone, for the simple reason that circumstances change all of the time. You might know someone for several years, for instance, and trust him completely as your friend, but circumstances could change and he could become very hungry, and before you knew it you could be boiling in a soup pot, because there is no way of knowing for sure.

I was interested in finding ways to do dark comedy that were actually dark and comic.

Nobody wants to hear that you will try your best. It is the wrong thing to say. It is like saying 'I probably won't hit you with a shovel.' Suddenly everyone is afraid you will do the opposite.

The key to good eavesdropping is not getting caught.