821 Quotes by Daniel Handler

If I were to say, "Yes, I am a fascinating, erudite person," what would that say about me? I don't know.

You must be all a-tingle with excitement.' 'I guess so,' I said, but I did not feel a-tingle. I did not feel a-anything.

All cannot be lost when there is still so much being found

This is my knife. It is very sharp and very eager to hurt you.

But there are times in this harum-scarum world when figuring out the right thing to do is quite simple, but doing the right thing is simply impossible....

Literature doesn’t exactly have a strong mental-health track record.

The whole thing of what I’ve been trying,” you said, “is that you’re different, and you keep asking about the other girls, but what I mean is that I don’t think about them, because of the way you are.

I never want to be away from you again, except at work, in the restroom or when one of us is at a movie the other does not want to see.

A passport, as I'm sure you know, is a document that one shows to government officials whenever one reaches a border between two countries, so that the official can learn who you are, where you were born, and how you look when photographed unflatteringly.