821 Quotes by Daniel Handler

It is very difficult to make one’s way in this world without being wicked at one time or another, when the world’s way is so wicked to being with.

Tell it to everyone you know, but pretend you’re kidding.

I’m a lunatic wandering around for scraps.

It is the presumed mission of all women, a quest for a man, and no amount of bloodshed can dissuade the myth. For a boy, people would say to her soon, in disbelief or even in admiration, and they would be all wrong.

To hear the phrase “our only hope” always makes one anxious, because it means that if the only hope doesn’t work, there is nothing left.

When things don’t go right, go left.

Someday we will all be dead people but in the meantime we have these problems to solve.

You know, despite all my world-weariness and cynicism, I think I’ve always believed that there is one person in the universe for whom you are truly meant – and the fact that sometimes there are two or even more people on the earth you can fall in love with really bothers me. It suggests that if you work hard you can be meant for anyone.

Occasionally there are parents who say, “I brought my child so he or she could learn what the career of a writer is like, and you did this long theatrical performance instead, and I’m very disappointed.”