821 Quotes by Daniel Handler

Miracles are like pimples, because once you start looking for them you find more than you ever dreamed you’d see.

I love no one but you, I have discovered, but you are far away and I am here alone.

Everyone tells you it’s all right to cry, but not enough people say it’s all right if you don’t want people to know.

She licked her lips and then wiped them on her hand, her dark lipstick staining her wrist like a suicide.

A passport, as I’m sure you know, is a document that one shows to government officials whenever one reaches a border between two countries, so that the official can learn who you are, where you were born, and how you look when photographed unflatteringly.

I find reading screenplays difficult, as they’re only a roadmap for what a movie might end up being.

If you have ever slept in a covered casserole dish on the highest peak of a mountain range, then you know that it is an uncomfortable place to lay one’s head, even if you find a dish towel inside it that can serve as a blanket.

I’m alone. There’s a poem in that, but I don’t want to write it. I don’t want to be someone who spends Saturday night alone at home, writing poems about being alone.

I’m a lunatic wandering around for scraps, I’m like every single miserable moron I’ve scorned, and pretended I didn’t recognize. I’m all of them, every last ugly thing in a bad last-minute costume. I’m not different, not at all, not different from any other speck of a thing.