821 Quotes by Daniel Handler

In love, as in life, one misheard word can be tremendously important. If you tell someone you love them, for instance, you must be absolutely certain that they have replied “I love you back” and not “I love your back” before you continue the conversation.

I was once almost forced off the stage at a large chain bookstore that shall remain nameless, because she introduced me as Lemony Snicket, and I immediately interrupted her and said, “Oh no, Lemony Snicket isn’t here,” and then she tried to cancel the event right then and there.

I’m very happy for you guys.” I heard my voice, so false it was all the statues could do to keep themselves from rolling their eyes.

The expression ‘Those who can’t do, teach’ is a curious one, because if you look at the world, you’ll see that teachers aren’t particularly worse at doing things than anyone else, so perhaps the expression might be better worded as ’nobody can do anything.

Either you have the feeling or you don’t. Hawk Davies.

Count Olaf sounds like an awful person. I hope he is torn apart by wild animals someday. Wouldn’t that be satisfying?

It looked exhausting and pointless, two things that should be avoided at all costs.

It’s funny, particularly when you’re a writer and you’re doing well, you have that sense of like, “Oh! My view of the world is the one that’s going to be published.”

But more often the woman was alone and would walk around naked for some reason, neither beautiful enough nor ugly enough to make sense.