821 Quotes by Daniel Handler

I think one of the reasons it ended was that his eyes never lit up for me the way they did for classical music. I realize that in the long run I may not be as wonderful as a Brahms symphony but I think I’m good for a Haydn quintet.

Phil Needle supposed what he meant was that he wanted to be God, just long enough to find his daughter. It was not a prayer but a promotion. This was why nobody liked God: they wanted his job.

Phillip Murray and Wanda Saxton meet in the last scene under the rainy awning, their wrong wife and fiance finally story-lined away, and walk out together into the downpour – we know from the first scene, Christmas eve, that both of them like walking in the rain but don’t have anybody who will do it with them – and it’s the miracle of the ending.

I guess it’s funny how life turns out?” she tried. “Not last I checked,” Errol said with a snort.

I can cook anything.

All love gets over, and we must get over it.

Assumptions are dangerous things to make, and like all dangerous things to make, bombs, for instance, or strawberry shortcake, if you make even the tiniest mistake you can find yourself in terrible trouble.

If you go too fast you might not notice everything. On the other hand, you don't want to be late.

Sometimes even in most unfortunate of lives there will occur a moment or two of good.