122 Quotes by Daniel J. Siegel

Having neurons wire together can be a good thing. A positive experience with a math teacher can lead to neural connections that link math with pleasure, accomplishment, and feeling good about yourself as a student. But the opposite is equally true. Negative experiences with a harsh instructor or a timed test and the anxiety that accompanies it can form connections in the brain that create a serious obstacle to the enjoyment not only of math and numbers, but exams and even school in general.

But science and experience reveal that with self-reflection and understanding, non-ideal patterns we’ve adopted from our own pasts can be transformed. Be patient with yourself and with your family members. With kindness and understanding, to yourself and to others, change can be nurtured and good things can emerge.

Many parents these days, however, are learning that discipline will be much more respectful – and, yes, effective – if they initiate a collaborative, reciprocal, bidirectional dialogue, rather than delivering a monologue.

We want our kids to expect that their needs can be understood and consistently met. But we don’t want our kids to expect that their desires and whims will always be met.

Too often we forget that “discipline” really means “to teach” – not “to punish.” A disciple is a student, not a recipient of behavioral consequences. When we teach mindsight, we take moments of conflict and transform them into opportunities for learning, skill building, and brain development.

The healthy move to adulthood is toward interdependence, not complete “do-it-yourself” isolation.

While group collaboration can certainly be a source of collective intelligence, it can also get you to jump off a cliff or drive too fast. And that’s probably why some form of continued connection to the adults and their adult perspectives still exists in traditional cultures, and even in our animal cousins. Without adults around, young adolescents can literally go wild.

Rules about respect and behavior aren’t thrown out the window simply because a child’s left hemisphere is disengaged. For example, whatever behavior is inappropriate in your family – being disrespectful, hurting someone, throwing things – should remain off-limits even in moments of high emotion.

Our state of mind can turn even neutral comments into fighting words, distorting what we hear to fit what we fear.