299 Quotes by Daniel Tosh

I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'

I’m a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!

I’m sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they’re clearly sixes at best.

I’ll do anything usually if there’s money involved and little work.

Here’s a shock: An adult who still hangs out in skate parks is a bad parent.

God does not hate gay people. He’s just mad because they found a loophole in His system.

Somebody bought me a Snuggie as a joke gift. Haha, the joke’s on you, I enjoy it. I toss and turn at night, finally a blanket that’s like, ‘I’m going to keep you warm.’ It’s like having a small child with polio keep you in a full nelson – the perfect pressure.

It’s not a stereotype if it’s always true.

That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing ‘A’ really fast somewhere.