675 Quotes by Darynda Jones

God is love, but Satan does that thing you like with his tongue. --BUMPER STICKER

Did you learn anything, at least?""I learned that Rey'azikeen is just as good at coitus as his alter ego.

I think I was born making up stories in my head. I wrote my first play when I was 5. No, I couldn’t write yet. It was with a stick on a piece of paper that floated by on the wind, and it was about a girl named Cindy. The fact that it closely resembled Cinderella is pure coincidence.

Do you remember the woman I told you about?"I knew we would get back around to this. I'd been dying to know more. "The one who used your body then threw you away like a toothbrush you had to use to clean the toilet because you couldn't find your scrub brush?""Well, yeah.""And then you saw her out a year later and she'd had a baby who just happened to have your eyes?""That's the one.""No. I don't remember you mentioning her.

On a scale of one to stepping on a LEGO, how much pain are you in?

Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you're done.--T-SHIRT

When I want your opinion, I'll remove the duct tape.--T-SHIRT

I meant to behave. There were just too many other options.--T-SHIRT

You can't fix stupid, but you can numb it was a 2 by 4.--T-SHIRT