1,059 Quotes by Dave Barry

Today’s beauty ideal, strictly enforced by the media, is a person with the same level of body fat as a paper clip.

The Mollusks – generous hosts when they weren’t trying to kill you.

The great thing about golf – and this is the reason why a lot of health experts like me recommend it – you can drink beer and ride in a cart while you play.

Roy Blount, who is the funniest person I know, journeys deep into the dark heart of humor and brings back a wonderfully insightful, superbly crafted song of the soul that had me laughing and crying too.

Real cars were made here in America: Fords, Chevys, Plymouths. These were large chunks of Detroit iron – cars that had the size, weight, and handling characteristics of aircraft carriers but worse fuel efficiency.

Elsewhere in Italy is the lovely city of Venice, which each year attracts millions of visitors despite the fact that it is basically an enormous open sewer...

One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks to a computer microchip, can actually travel ahead in time and shave beard hairs that don’t even exist yet.

I haven’t been able to slam-dunk the basketball for the past five years. Or, for the thirty-eight years before that, either.

Genes are little items that are found in every living thing except Sen. Alfonse D’Amato.