1,059 Quotes by Dave Barry

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base.

People passing each other on the street would say would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukkah!' or to the atheists 'Look out for the wall!'.

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be meetings.

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of M&M's and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.

By the eighties, a lot of radio stations had started playing sixties music. They called it Classic Rock, because they knew we'd be upset if they came right out and called it what it is, namely middle-aged-person nostalgia music.

In college, Yuppies major in business administration. If to meet certain requirements they have to take a liberal arts course, they take Business poetry.