1,059 Quotes by Dave Barry

Florida’s number three industry, behind tourism and skin cancer, is voter fraud.

People in the computer industry use the term ‘user,’ which to them means ‘idiot.’

I guess libertarianism is always considered so weird and fringe that people assume that you’re in the closet if you don’t go around talking about it.

People – just weird people are attracted to Miami. And they come there not for serious reasons, usually.

Some archeologists believe that Stonehenge – the mysterious arrangement of enormous elongated stones in England – is actually a crude effort by the Druids to build a computing device.

I’m not saying that women don’t think about sex also. I’m saying that women are capable, for at least brief periods of time, of not thinking about sex, and that most guys are not.

If it weren’t for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.

I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and – regardless of their political or cultural differences – accuse each other of cheating.

Technically, Windows is an “operating system,” which means that it supplies your computer with the basic commands that it needs to suddenly, with no warning whatsoever, stop operating.