16 Quotes by David Schnarch

We tell ourselves that intimacy (and marriage) takes two people who are willing to work at it-but, unfortunately, we rarely have the slightest inkling of our "job" assignments in this project.

Our mistakes and regrets are not barriers to becoming who we can be; they are a necessary ingredient.

I have learned something about quality research, and also that the emotional prices involved in making “expedient” and “pragmatic” concessions often far exceed the effort needed to stand behind my own convictions.

Did I pick the right person? This question inverts the starting and ending points. We do not pick our perfect match because we ourselves are not perfect. The universe hands us a flawless diamond – in the rough. Only if we are willing to polish off every part of ourselves that cannot join do we end up with a soul mate.

If you can’t regulate your own emotional temperature, you’ll regulate everyone around you to keep yourself comfortable.

The truth is liberating – but only when you have the courage to live it.

People don’t want to calm down because then they see things they sort of knew but didn’t want to face.

A solid sense of self develops from confronting yourself, challenging yourself to do what’s right, and earning your own self-respect.

Autonomy and independence involve taking care of yourself – not doing things that diminish you.