694 Quotes by David Sedaris

If some people are “outed,” are other people “inned”? Can we say that someone has been “besided” or “overed”?

If I'm walking down an American street and anyone darker than a peanut shell approaches, I'll say, "Hello." This because, if I don't say it, he or she might think that I'm anxious. Which, of course, I must be, otherwise I'd walk by in silence, just as I do with my fellow Caucasians.Does this make me racist, or simply race conscious? Either way, I'm more afraid of conservatives than I am of black people.

Jeremy, Good luck on your first marriage.

It’s not lost on me that I’m so busy recording life, I don’t have time to really live it.

The thought of killing myself had slowed me down to five miles per hour. The thought of killing someone else stopped me completely.

Do you think it was my fault that she drank?" my father asked not long ago. It's the assumption of an amateur, someone who stops after his second vodka tonic and quits taking his pain medication before the prescription runs out. It's almost laughable, this insistence on a reason. I think my mother was lonely without her children—her fan club. But I think she drank because she was an alcoholic.

It is funny the things that run through your mind when you're sitting in your underpants in front of a pair of strangers.

I think there is a difference between comic essays and war reporting, and people can tell that.

Writing gives you the illusion of control, and then you realize it's just an illusion, that people are going to bring their own stuff into it.