694 Quotes by David Sedaris

Seven beers followed by two Scotches and a thimble of marijuana and it's funny how sleep comes all on it's own.

I had to wrestle daily with both my inadequacy and my uncontrollable jealousy. I didn't want to kill her, but hoped someone else might do the job for me.

Every so often my life will feel like a story. It doesn't have to be a big thing; in fact, most often, it's just the opposite.

One thing about English-language bookstores in the age of Amazon is that it assumes that everybody has the Internet, ... I don't. I've never seen the Internet. I've never ordered a book on it, and I wouldn't really want to.

It's unrealistic to live your life within such strict parameters.

I started writing when I was twenty. My first book came out when I was thirty-five. But I never expected that it would happen quickly.

Underneath my window, there were huge groups of people running in the streets. They tried to overturn a car. So the woman opened her window and tried to throw water on them. So then they threw rocks up and tried to smash her windows. It was very exciting.

Maybe I'll learn a trade. I've considered taxidermy. I always thought it was a shame you couldn't do that on people.

It was all luck and it all started with that radio piece. If it wasn't for that, I'd probably still be cleaning apartments as a maid in New York.'