694 Quotes by David Sedaris

You can’t brace yourself for famine if you’ve never known hunger.

I cry all the time when I watch ‘Glee’ because I don’t know if it’s satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it OK to cry.

But instead I am applying for a job as an elf. Even worse than applying is the very real possibility that I will not be hired, that I couldn’t even find work as an elf. That’s when you know you’re a failure.

It make one’s mouth hurt to speak with such forced merriment.

Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I’d do it more if I could get away with it.

It’s unrealistic to live your life within such strict parameters.

I’d always thought that I understood this, but lately I realize that what I call “understanding” is basically just fantasizing.

Faced with an exciting question, science tended to provide the dullest possible answer. Ions might charge the air but they fell flat when it came to charging the imagination – my imagination, anyway.

My boyfriend got me a computer three years ago. I’ll admit it does make things a lot easier. When I was working on a typewriter and I whited out a line, often I would choose a word to go in the space just because it fit. Now I don’t have to do that.