694 Quotes by David Sedaris

He didn’t understand that it’s all connected, that one subject leads to another and forms a kind of chain that rises its head and nods like cobra when you’re sucking on a bong after three days of no sleep. On acid, it’s even wilder and appears to eat things. But not having gone to college, my dad had no concept of a well-rounded liberal arts education.

That’s the problem with wishes, they ensnare you. In fairy tales they’re nothing but trouble, magnifying the greed and vanity of the person for whom they are granted.

A wise man once said that in order to communicate, you have to be able to speak in someone else’s language.

Other people’s pain is uninteresting. My own, though, is spellbinding.

They’re hungry for something they know nothing about, but we, we know all too well that the price of fame is the loss of privacy.

It’s from Scandinavia!” This, we learned, was the name of a region, a cold and forsaken place where people stayed indoors and plotted the death of knobs.

Most people would have found it grotesque, but when you’re in love nothing is so abstract or horrible that it can’t be thought of as cute.

You’re trying to convince me?” Amy asked. “The one who has a second apartment two blocks from her first apartment just so she can get away from her rabbit for a couple of hours a day?

Gambling to me is what a telephone pole might be to a groundhog. He sees that it’s there but doesn’t for the life of him understand why.