227 Quotes by David Wong

Damn it! I knew she was a monster! John! Amy! Listen! Guard your buttholes.

Let me give you a tip: if you’re ever the victim of a terrible crime—like, say, your kid goes missing—and you see the cops consulting with a couple of white trash–looking dipshits in their late twenties, it’s time to worry. It’s not because John and I are incompetent at what we do—and I assure you, we are—but because you need to start asking yourself a very hard question. Not “Will I get my child back?” but “Do I want to get my child back?

Son, the greatest trick the Devil pulled was convincing the world there was only one of him.

Something coming back from the dead was almost always bad news. Movies taught me that. For every one Jesus you get a million zombies.

Amy said, "So, you're making a flamethrower?""Amy, we gotta be prepared. We don't know what we'll find in that place, but for all we know it could be the Devil himself.""David, what possible good is that thing gonna do?""Oh, no, you didn't hear me. I said it's a flamethrower." Girls.

I wrapped up the remaining half burrito and tossed it into the trash can. Molly watched this act of wastefulness with an expression like she had just seen her entire family die in a fire.

What, then, is the soul but a prisoner of your flesh? An undying yet constrained energy, bound and enslaved within a shuffling, steadily rotting suit of tissue and savage needs?

Gullibility is a knife at the throat of civilization.

But in those first hours after you take it, your brain is tuned in like nothing you can imagine. Eyes like the Hubble telescope, sensing light that's not even on the spectrum. You might be able to read minds, make time stop, cook pasta that's exactly right every time.