191 Quotes by Deborah Tannen

The allure of love is to have someone who knows you so well that you don’t have to explain yourself. It is the promise of someone who cares enough about you to protect you against the world of strangers who do not wish you well.

More men feel comfortable doing “public speaking,” while more women feel comfortable doing “private” speaking.

Some days you just want to get dressed and go about your business. But if you’re a woman, you can’t, because there is no unmarked woman.

The chivalrous man who holds a door open or signals a woman to go ahead of him when he’s driving is negotiating both status and connection.

Communication is a continual balancing act, juggling the conflicting needs for intimacy and independence.

When we think we are using language, language is using us.

It’s our tendency to approach every problem as if it were a fight between two sides. We see it in headlines that are always using metaphors for war. It’s a general atmosphere of animosity and contention that has taken over our public discourse.

Public discourse requires making an argument for a point of view, not having an argument – as in having a fight.

But if you parry individuals points – a negative and defensive enterprise – you never step back and actively imagine a world in which a different system of ideas could be true – a positive act.