393 Quotes by Dennis Miller

He admitted this was stupid. It's a very serious offense. I wouldn't consider it a prank. ... It could have turned into something that caused far more injury, and even death, than it did.

Nowadays, with history not being taught anymore in American public schools, self-esteem is taking its place.

This is our first branch in Birmingham and we're looking forward to it, ... It's a nice community and we wanted to locate a branch there.

Listen, the weather is just like Hillary's explanation for her war vote: we just don't know, do we?

Any time your parent says they party with you, that is its own form of child abuse.

And I've always been paranoid. I can remember as a baby my mother would spin the mobile above my head and thinking...yeah, that's coming down.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven okay?

Democratic candidate John Kerry on Tuesday chose fellow Senator John Edwards to be his running mate. Asked about Edwards' lack of foreign policy experience, Kerry revealed his new campaign slogan, 'I Promise Not to Die.'

The claim that somehow raw foods give you better energy, are more healthful, improve your immune system and all of that is simply not substantiated. And moreover, it's not biologically plausible.