393 Quotes by Dennis Miller

Jack Kerouac was cool because he had no idea he was.

A developer is someone who wants to build a house in the woods. An environmentalist is someone who already has a house in the woods.

When I went to college, I lived on campus, and the guys I hung out with made the characters in Revenge of the Nerds look like the Rat Pack in 1962. I, myself made that kid Booger look like Remington Steele.

The Democrats continue to snipe at Bush. They’ll never give it up to him. You know Teddy Kennedy and Tom Daschle pick more nits than a father and son spider monkey team who know they’re being followed by a National Geographic film crew.

Of course, that’s just my opinion. I could be wrong.

And I know your next move, I watch you so much, ‘There’s been no proven link between the secular state of Iraq and al-Qaeda!’ Come on. They both think we’re Satan. Isn’t that a nice starting point? Why are you so loathe to believe they might have each other on lunatic speed dial?

If Bill Gates is worth $30 billion then a good haircut must cost $31 billion.

It’s foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

I have a nice house. And when somebody says it’s a palace, I always feel like we’re digging a little or something.