393 Quotes by Dennis Miller

What’s so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our business is taken care of and then we turn on a dime and we immediately start taking care of people. It’s like a shock and aw shucks campaign.

I’ll say this about the war protesters: At least most of them are only putting duct tape across their mouths so I can still tell the rest of them to blow it out their ass.

I rant, therefore I am.

I’m one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown.

You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R’s only one begins with an R.

I’d rather be funny than wise.

I’m actually equal parts cynicism and apathy. I’m always willing to believe the worst as long as it doesn’t take too much effort.

After September 11th, freedom of speech in America has become a topic that’s touchier than a Vatican summer camp.

Wouldn’t it be great if all of Osama bin Laden’s money was tied-up in Enron stock?