393 Quotes by Dennis Miller

Listen, the weather is just like Hillary’s explanation for her war vote: we just don’t know, do we?

I haven’t seen anyone rely on the ground game this much since the battle of Verdun.

They have an amazing proliferation of TV channels now: The all-cartoon channel, the 24-hour-science fiction channel. Of course, to make room for these they got rid of the Literacy Channel and the What’s Left of Civilization Channel.

Somebody can say they don’t understand why somebody drifts. But I’ve always found people who drift interesting, ’cause it shows me the game’s not stagnant in their own head. They’re thinking.

Xenophobia doesn’t benefit anybody unless you’re playing high-stakes Scrabble.

In view of all the deadly computer viruses that have been spreading lately, Weekend Update would like to remind you: when you link up to another computer, you’re linking up to every computer that that computer has ever linked up to.

I’m like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.

Most Americans will let liberals and conservatives play their games because most Americans don’t pay attention.

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into the nursing home.