393 Quotes by Dennis Miller

Is global warming new? I don’t know. When I was young I remember the sun being hot.

I still feel pangs of remorse over an insidious habit I’ve had since I was a teenager. About three times a week, I attend estate auctions and make insulting, low-ball bids for prized heirlooms until I’m asked to leave.

But the biggest fake of the year, Paul Begala’s last smile.

Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation’s highways.

I’m left on a lot of things. If two gay guys want to get married, I could care less. If a nut case from overseas wants to blow up their wedding, that’s when I’m right.

We are simultaneously the most hated, loved, feared and admired nation on this planet. In short, we are Frank Sinatra. And the Chairman didn’t make his bones laying down for punks...

Al Gore couldn’t be more phony if he were a professional Al Gore impersonator.

A good rule of thumb is if you’ve made it to 35 and your job still requires you wear a nametag, you’ve probably made a serious vocational error.

A new poll shows that Senator Kerry’s support in the South is strongest amongst blacks. Kerry’s appeal to Southern blacks is obvious. He is a white man who lives far, far away.