393 Quotes by Dennis Miller

There’s no doubt about it, show business lures the people who didn’t get enough love, attention, or approval early in life and have grown up to become bottomless, gaping vessels of terrifying, abject need. Please laugh.

Half the people I look who are health food addicts look sickly to me. Let’s start taxing health food. Somebody force a burger down some of these people’s jaw because they look a little pale and wan to me.

You’ve got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Growing up, my family wasn’t very tight. We were more like a tour group with secrets...

I love this country for several reasons, not the least of which is that I know I’m allowed to hate it if I want to.

I think the people can bash Catholics because they know Catholics won’t kill them. Quite frankly, there’s some religions out there, you bash and they’re going to kill you.

Ouch! And Marino goes down quicker than his Boonesfarm-infused sister in the back of my ’68 Cutlass on our first date after watching ‘Love Story’ at the drive-in.

The Nazi signs have got to stop. If you’re in a peace march and the guy next to you has a sign saying that ‘Bush is Hitler,’ forget the peace thing for a second and beat his ass, because he is not Hitler.

The radical right is so homophobic that they’re blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.