393 Quotes by Dennis Miller

The average American’s day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles’s dart board.

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can’t identify the victim.

If Clinton had only attacked terrorism as much as he attacks George Bush we wouldn’t be in this problem.

The punt returner got smacked like Nancy Kerrigan’s knee on souvenir pipe night.

Americans stick their nose where it doesn’t belong more than Cyrano de Bergerac giving head.

We are living in the era of the violent do-gooder.

I don’t have credibility, I’m a comedian.

Trends don’t mean anything to me. If I like something, I’ll do it. If I don’t, I won’t do it, and I wouldn’t care if everybody in the country mocked me.

Homosexuals are entering the mainstream, because they’re becoming as boring and as tedious as any other splinter group.