393 Quotes by Dennis Miller

The American education system couldn’t be more badly directed or poorly funded if the Secretary of Education were Ed Wood.

The Mexican people I know seem to respect the country in a way that many spoiled brats who were born here don’t. So come on over folks, the more the merrier. But please, sign the guest book on the way in.

Laughter is one of the great beacons in life because we don’t refract it by gunning it through our intellectual prism. What makes us laugh is a mystery – an involuntary response.

America may be the best country in the world, but that’s kind of like being the valedictorian of summer school.

Pop – Pop culture has turned the brain into the body’s new appendix – no real function, and it could quite possibly blow up and mill you. As organs go, you just don’t need your brain anymore!

Now, I don’t want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God’s way of letting you know that you’re having too good a time.

Now I don’t have anything against Mexican people, but for God’s sakes, sign the gust book on the way in.

One man’s Voltaire is another man’s Screech.

By and large, I think it should be a rule in the teacher employment manual that you can’t go attend any event where if you took your classroom on a student field trip, they would summarily be obliterated. That should be rule No. 1.