393 Quotes by Dennis Miller

It’s nice to be included in the broadcast food chain.

How do we know for sure that no two snowflakes are the same – we haven’t got anybody watching.

The next time you get the urge to shut somebody up because they don’t see the world exactly the same way you do, take a deep breath, get out your Bill of Rights, and count to the ten amendments.

The White House again refused to turn over discussions Vice President Cheney had with Enron officials over energy policy. Cheney said if he had to disclose every time some business donated a ton of money then came in to write its own policy to govern itself, he wouldn’t get any work done.

A lot of people voting for Pat Buchanan say they are doing so to send a message. Apparently that message is, ‘Hey, look at me, I’m an idiot.’

When your mother starts using the word “party” as a verb about her kid, that’s absolutely crazy.

The way I’ve always governed my life as far as fiscal policy goes is I’m smart enough to know that I’m dumb about it, so I surround myself with smart people in much the same way a hole surrounds itself with a doughnut. I just pay things off. That’s all I do.

The quarterback’s spending so much time behind the center that he may jeopardize his right to lead a Boy Scout troop.

Dennis Kucinich’s politics are more scrambled than Rod Steiger’s dream journal.