287 Quotes by Dick Van Dyke

Jon Stewart kills me. I love him. And Bill Maher. He does an hour on HBO. But entirely political. It is awfully rough, but he does make me laugh.

In my seventies, I exercised to stay ambulatory. In my eighties, I exercise to avoid assisted living.

[My mother] once cooked a ham and later found it in my father's shirt drawer. I am not kidding.

I wasn't a falling-in-the-gutter type. I drank at home because it relaxed me. I was shy around new people, but after a drink or two, I became more sociable.

No, I did night clubs right here in Los Angeles. My partner, Phil Erickson, put me in the business, a guy from my home town, a dear friend who we just lost a couple of months ago.

When I was a kid, I had ambitions for being a television announcer, which was before television took off, you know, in the late 40s. And just through necessity, going out looking for work, I was starting to sing, and dance, and act, and I never expected to do that, nor to have any success at it at least.

I was lucky to get the kinds of parts I wanted. I always said I didn't want to do anything my kids can't see.

I could probably play an alcoholic. I've had some experience with that.

I was a 'Laurel and Hardy' nut. I got to know Laurel at the end of his life, and it was a great thrill for me. He left me his bow tie and derby and told me that if they ever made a movie about him, he'd want me to play him.