53 Quotes by Dominic Holland

Invest your money safely. Avoid the risky lure of spectacular returns; go for an investment that cannot lose its value. This is why I have put all my spare cash into buying not shares, but thousands of penny chews.

When I phoned up and said, 'Mum, I'm doing a 52-date national tour with Eddie Izzard,' she said 'That's nice, dear. How are you?'

I find it pressurising coming to the Voodoo Rooms to do my hour of comedy.

The house I've bought in London, the holidays, everything has been bought from making people laugh, and if you'd said to me when I was 14 that's how I was going to make my living, I would have smiled from ear to ear.

My job is to make people laugh. If I've upset them instead, then I haven't done my job properly.

There is nothing quite as loud as the silence of an audience when a comedian is on stage.

I am not a natural show-off. Some of the monster comedians are terrifyingly assured, and I don't have that, and that's held me back.

Because it's such a good car, I think we'll have a Multipla till the kids leave home, which is tragic because I could probably afford a really nice car!

When I do a show, I jot little notes for me to remember, and when the show is done and forgotten, I chuck them all over the car. My wife goes nuts.