201 Quotes by Drew Carey

I actually was worried about the pounding, but I actually love running more than working out on the elliptical. Now if I get on the elliptical, I feel like I’m trapped.

Eating crappy food isn’t a reward – it’s a punishment.

I’d buy joke books and try doing them at school; I always had jokes. That would be my go-to thing at parties: I’d be able to get through them if I just told enough jokes. Otherwise, I wouldn’t end up talking to anybody.

It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.

I’m the kind of person that likes what I’m doing when I’m doing it.

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.

Look, this is an odd question, but you’re kind of cute and you’re pretty nice to me. Are you drunk? It’s OK if you are.

Violence doesn’t solve anything? World War I. World War II. Star Wars. Every Super Bowl. Who says violence doesn’t solve anything?

I’ve always got stuff in my head in case I meet somebody like Steven Spielberg or someone like that, where I can hopefully say something to them that nobody else has ever said and get a laugh out of them.