201 Quotes by Drew Carey

I'm not a good lover, but at least I'm fast.

It doesn't matter how smart you are; to audition for 'Jeopardy,' you just have to luck out and know what they're asking you that day.

In any other job, they're truck drivers. In show-biz, they're Transportation Captains.

When asked if he enjoys being famous: Sometimes I like it, sometimes I don't. I've always been a people watcher. I like to go to malls and just sit, and I can't do that very easily anymore.

I always run in the morning on an empty stomach, and I'll go through a bottle and a half of water. Then I have a protein drink or I eat egg whites.

The TV season is a year-long thing now, and the networks are starting to look at it that way, thanks to cable, satellites, and competition.

George Carlin is kind of my template now because George Carlin before was straight laced regular comic and he had short hair, a tie, suit, nightclub guy. Then he said screw it, let his hair grow, just started telling what he thought was the truth. So that's what I'm trying to do.

I can't do that. I'm already the single guy living in his parents' house. I can't be seen digging a grave in the middle of the night.

Oh, and once, when I was in the Marines, I got a perfect score on my physical fitness test.