273 Quotes by Eddie Izzard

But puberty was... well, before puberty, at school, I didn't tell kids I was a transvestite 'cause I thought they might kill me with sticks, you know?

I just believe in the #‎ goodwill of people, the power of people to do something positive.

The Pope is guarded by the Swiss guard who stand proudly in pajamas and silly hats.

If you get too well-known, you can never be a comedian's comedian, it just won't sit well. But I'm fine with that. I'm fine with that label.

We have archeology on television, and I quite like it; its a sort of detective thing, but its really true, you know its there But its kind of slow on telly, it has this problem of, Weve been here three weeks on live television, and weve taken off about a millimeter of top soil so far Theres men with brushes and beards maybe theyve just got beards, Im not sure We found this and carbon-dated it to last Tuesday, so were very excited

Cos people think I'm on drugs and I'm not. I'm really quite... Just a bit of coffee. When I take drugs I start going, Oh, would you like insurance?

Pol Pot killed one point seven million Cambodians, died under house arrest, well done there. Stalin killed many millions, died in his bed, aged seventy-two, well done indeed. And the reason we let them get away with it is they killed their own people. And we're sort of fine with that. Hitler killed people next door. Oh, stupid man. After a couple of years we won't stand for that, will we?

I grew up in the 70s, when the careers advisor used to come to school, and he used to get the kids together and say, 'Look, I advise you to get a career, what can I say? That's it.'

I definitely have breast envy. When teenage girls were saying 'I wish I had breasts', I was thinking the same thing.