273 Quotes by Eddie Izzard

Puberty is the sickest joke God plays on us. So you're just noticing members of the sex: "Girls girls, ooo". Naturally you want to look your best, and God says "No! You will look the worst you've ever looked in your life!"

I am an evil giraffe, and I shall eat more leaves from this tree then prehaps I should, so that other giraffes may die

But with dogs, we do have bad dog. Bad dog exists. Bad dog! Bad dog! Stole a biscuit, bad dog! The dog is saying, Who are you to judge me? You human beings whove had genocide, war against people of different creeds, colors, religions, and I stole a biscuit?! Is that a crime? People of the world!Well, if you put it that way, I think youve got a point. Have another biscuit, sorry.

If I were Achilles I would put my foot in a f**k off block of concrete!

Charelton Heston and a monkey with a gun...Film at 11.

I'd like to have sex with myself.

If you're a performer, people tend to be quite positive about you or they have no opinion.

Little red cookbook! Little red cookbook!

Peace, peace, peace. Peace is organized.