273 Quotes by Eddie Izzard

I’m into humanity. I don’t believe in God, but I believe in human beings.

That’s no good, I can’t steal from the fairly well off and give to the moderately impoverished! That’s not gonna swing, is it?

If you think you can’t do a thing, you will not be able to do it. If you think you can do something, then you have a chance of achieving it. Believing doesn’t mean you will instantly be able to, but you’ve got to believe that you can, otherwise you definitely won’t be able to do it. I’ve seen a number of people who I thought could do something brilliant and creative but they didn’t seem to believe in themselves and therefore didn’t, or couldn’t, do it.

I wanna live ’til I die, no more, no less.

I realized that belief is a key ingredient in trying to do things that are difficult.

I am an evil Giraffe.

I don’t believe in God. So I’m a non-believer in the non-visible. I’m a believer in us; in humans.

Could adults actually deal with a weird monster under their bed? I think if the monster started moving around, then- well we’d get out of bed and we’d get a frying pan, and then we’d beat the crap out of the monster under the bed. Or we’d get a broom and poke the monster out. No, we’d lock the door and set fire to the house.

No matter how much makeup I wore, people just kept saying “Yes, sir! Would you like tea with that, sir?” “Yes, I would like tea. Why don’t you put it on my breasts?” “Certainly. Tea for this man’s breasts! Anything else, sir?”