273 Quotes by Eddie Izzard

I appreciate your applause, but I don’t do it for applause. I do it for cash, it’s much better.

Have you got a flag?

The twenty-first century is a key century for us on this planet. Either we make a world, where all seven billion people have a fair chance in this century – or forget it. If we can’t do this, I don’t think we are going to make it as a species. Despair is the fuel of terrorism, and hope is the fuel of civilization, so we have to put more hope into the world than despair. Hatred and separation and building walls is not the way to progress. Going backward is not the way to go forward.

Very advanced fashion almost joins up with having no fashion sense at all.

Performance enhancing drugs are banned in the Olympics. OK, we can swing with that. But performance ‘debilitating’ drugs should not be banned. Smoke a joint and win the 100 metres, fair play for you. That’s pretty good. Unless someone’s dangling a Mars bar off in the distance.

I am two lesbians in a man’s body.

In Britain we have a very powerful tabloid culture with celebrities on the front page crying with their make-up smeared and tears, and it’s kind of what you’d expect from someone who likes to dress up that way.

If you’re choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, ‘Heimlich maneuver,’ and all will be well. Trouble is, it’s difficult to say ‘Heimlich maneuver’ when you’re choking to death.

I saw something in a program on something in Miami, and they were saying, “We’ve redecorated this building to how it looked over 50 years ago!” And people were going, “No, surely not, no. No one was alive then.”