273 Quotes by Eddie Izzard

I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.

Scrabble was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia. This is true, they proved this one. The word dyslexia was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia.

I use a Bruce Lee technique: 'The way of no way.' He had the idea that he would learn everything, so that whoever he had to fight, he could improvise anything. The best way of starting a gig is just to not think of anything - to clear your mind, not in an empty Zen state, but more just to go on and see where you go.

I've wiped the file? .... I've wiped all the files? .... I've wiped the INTERNET? I don't even have a modem!

MAC gave me 55 lipsticks to test. These are the same lipsticks I got caught stealing by the police when I was 15. How ironic.

I try to keep performing as much as possible - I just like to. I used to take huge gaps off between gigs, now I just like to do stand-up gigs as much as I can.

I've done a bit of Latin in my time...but I can control it.

Well, comedy is a great weapon of attack. It's not a great weapon of support.

There's not much makeup in the army, is there? No. They only have that nighttime look, and that's a bit slapdash, isn't it?