641 Quotes by Ellen DeGeneres

You say you’re sick and tired of hearing about me? I’ve got news for you: I’M sick and tired of hearing about me.

Asking who’s the ‘man’ and who’s the ‘woman’ in a same-sex relationship is like asking which chopstick is the fork.

Well, crying’s good. It prepares you for life.

I love clothes, so when I wear clothes, they’re usually somebody’s. You know, I’m not wearing Kmart.

Slow down your mind. Slower. Think about how slow you have to drive when there’s someone on a bicycle in front of you in the middle of your lane. Are you annoyed? Don’t be.

Haters are my motivators.

But what’s important is that you enjoy and appreciate every day, and that’s something you can accomplish by just living in the moment. Don’t look behind you. Unless someone yells, “Look out behind you!” Then you should definitely look behind you because there’s a good chance a Frisbee is being thrown at your head or, if you’re in a movie, an attractive teenage vampire is about to attack you.

No, we can’t be friends. You’re my mom. You’re what i talk to my friends about.

I hope I make people feel better. I hope I take people out of their situations a little bit and make them happier. That’s really why I do what I do.