641 Quotes by Ellen DeGeneres

I just like observing people – it’s something I’ve done ever since I was a kid, and I got really good at it. That’s a big part of why I became a comedian. My audience is filled with every kind of person you can imagine, and I love that.

Don’t you hate when people are late to work. And they always have the worst excuses. “Oh, I’m sorry I’m late, traffic.” “Traffic, huh? How do you think I got here; helicoptered in!?”

I prefer to believe that people are good and honest and respect me enough to tell me the truth. It’s not easy to find those people all the time, but they’re out there.

What’s New Orleans without music? And what’s music without dancing?

It would be horrible to live with someone who didn’t like the same things you like.

So many people prefer to live in drama because it’s comfortable. It’s like someone staying in a bad marriage or relationship – it’s actually easier to stay because they know what to expect every day, versus leaving and not knowing what to expect.

I’m a fan of people getting together.

My hair is always at its best in New York. I don’t know what’s in the water. It could be mousse.

I don’t know who had the bright idea of teaching pneumonia how to walk, but I’d like to find that dunderhead before he decides he wants to teach it how to drive.