641 Quotes by Ellen DeGeneres

  • Author Ellen DeGeneres
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    The first time probably people really were aware of me, I unfortunately had the title of Showtime’s Funniest Person in America. And that’s a really tough title to travel around with when you’re not even known.

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  • Author Ellen DeGeneres
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    I know that experts say you’re more likely to get hurt crossing the street than you are flying, but that doesn’t make me any less frightened of flying. If anything, it makes me more afraid of crossing the street.

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  • Author Ellen DeGeneres
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    When there’s time for whistling, there’s a lot of time on a show.

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  • Author Ellen DeGeneres
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    I always worry when someone’s a good golfer. It’s like you shouldn’t have time to be good at anything. You should just be a politician and you shouldn’t have time to practice golf.

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  • Author Ellen DeGeneres
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    I still have the shirt I wore my first time on Johnny Carson’s show. Only now I use it as a tablecloth at dinner parties. It was very blousy.

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  • Author Ellen DeGeneres
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    There’s lotion for your face, lotion for your hands, lotion for your feet, lotion for your body. Why? What would happen if you put hand lotion on your feet? Would your feet get confused and start clapping?

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  • Author Ellen DeGeneres
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    I don’t need a baby growing inside me for nine months. If I’m going to feel nauseous and achy when I wake up, I want to achieve that state the old-fashioned way: getting good and drunk the night before.

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  • Author Ellen DeGeneres
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    So excited for the Apple Watch. For centuries, we’ve checked the time by looking at our phones. Having it on your wrist? Genius.

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  • Author Ellen DeGeneres
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    You know, there’s probably a lot of moisture in caves, too, which would be bad for my hair. And all those sharp edges. I wouldn’t want to move. I’d just sit in the cave all day long and think about how scared I was to.

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