606 Quotes by Eoin Colfer

There were only two men on the planet better educated in the various martial arts than Butler, and he was related to one of them. The other lived on an island in the South China Sea, and spent his days meditating and beating up palm trees. You had to feel sorry for the B’wa Kell.

I’m LEP. A captain. No rent-a-cop gnome is going to stand in the way of my orders.

Artemis remembered a few lines from Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland: “But I don’t want to go among mad people,” said Alice. “Oh, you can’t help that,” said the cat. “We’re all mad here.

Well, I don’t like the first bit and I don’t know the last bit. So I’m really hoping the middle bit is exceptional.

Artemis: I am not buoyed by that. Foaly: You are not supposed to be buoyed by that. You are supposed to be equalized. Mulch: I’m pretty sure that both of you just made really horrible jokes. But I’m not sure because I think you broke my funny bone.

It can play solitaire and minesweeper,” replied Artemis innocently.

Artemis ducked. Cudgeon didn’t. Guess what? Artemis was smarter.

I have a lovely office at the back of my house; it’s an old stable and you can see right out to the countryside on one side and into the house on the other side.

Friendship isn’t a science mudboy. Just do what you think is right.